Jim Cogley’s Reflections: Tues 23 June – Mon 29 June 2026
Tues June 23rd – A Question to Mother Teresa
Some years ago, the well-known priest and author Henri Nouwen who died quite young had the opportunity of meeting Mother Teresa. It was during a particularly difficult period in his life and struggling with many issues, he decided to use the occasion to ask her advice. He sat down and started explaining all his problems and difficulties – trying to convince her of how complicated it all was. Then after ten minutes of elaborate explanation, he finally became silent. Mother Teresa quietly looked at him and said, ‘Well when you spend one hour a day in the presence of your Lord and never do anything which you know to be wrong…you will be fine.’
Wed June 24th – The Word is Planted
Mother Teresa’s answer was not what he had been expecting but suddenly he realized that in those few simple words she had punctured his big balloon of complex self-complaints and pointed him far beyond himself to the place of real healing. In fact, she had so stunned him by her answer that he had no desire or need to continue the conversation. There were other people waiting so he thanked her and left the room. Those unexpected words remained engraved on his heart for the rest of his life. Their directness and simplicity had cut through to the core of his being. He knew she had spoken the truth he most needed to hear and he had the rest of his life to live it.
Thurs June 25th – The Answer from Above
Later Henri reflected on his brief but decisive encounter. He realized that he had raised a question from below and she had answered it from above. At first her answer didn’t seem to fit any question but slowly he began to see that her answer had come from God’s place and not the place of his complaints. Most of the time we respond to questions from below with answers from below. The result is usually more questions and more answers and often more confusion. For Henri, Mother Teresa’s words were like a flash of lightning that suddenly revealed the truth about himself.
Fri June 26th – Seek First the Kingdom
As a young and inexperienced priest, I once met a religious sister who had seriously lost her way and her life seemed a total mess. She felt pulled in so many directions and yet was going nowhere. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard a scripture verse that I shared with her. It was, ‘Seek first the Kingdom of God and everything else will be given you besides’ or in other words everything will begin to fall into place. It was really an invitation to get her priorities right, to reflect on her vocation, what her life was about and rediscover her purpose. She was a lady who like so many of us badly needed to be distracted from her distractions. Two years later I met her again and with beaming face she thanked me for that advice saying that it was exactly the right word at the right time and had completely transformed her life.
Sat June 27th – A Deeper Letting Go
To seek first the Kingdom and to distract ourselves from our distractions seems easy but how do we do it, especially if we find ourselves prone to worry and anxiety. When our heads are buzzing our thoughts go round in circles. We do need to cultivate some space for quiet where our heads can come home to our hearts. It’s only from the heart space that we can truly pray. It is from that space that we can practice the art of surrender and letting go of all that is bothering us. However, what we usually find that no sooner have we handed over something and enjoy a few moments of respite that it doesn’t last. We take it back and try to control the situation yet again. This is a classic case of how the ego trips us up and always tries to regain control. Here a useful exercise is to not just surrender the issue but also my innate tendency to take it back. The basis of this prayer is, ‘Here Lord this is yours, but it is also yours to hold and so my job is to keep my mind on you’.
Sun June 28th – Hating and Separating
‘If anyone prefers mother or father, brother or sister, son or daughter, he or she is not worthy of me’. Elsewhere Christ puts his message even stronger when he says, ‘If any one would be my disciple he must hate his father, mother, brother and sisters.’ For Jesus, the great teacher of love, to use the word ‘hate’ in relation to one’s own family seems quite over the top. It must have been quite shocking to his listeners back then when family loyalties took precedence over everything else. In the Jewish culture it is still the same to this very day. So what did he mean by using a word as strong as hate. The ancient biblical translators often struggled to come up with the right word from the original and didn’t always succeed. If we were to substitute the word ‘separate’ instead of ‘hate’ we might begin to get some sense of what he was really teaching. Then it would sound like, ‘Unless a person learns to separate sufficiently from his parents and his family of origin he will never become his or her own person and experience real freedom.’ The path of discipleship is always about discovering our true identity and so becoming who we really are.
Sometimes we hear the expression, ‘That fellow is still tied to his mothers apron strings.’ He may appear to have a great relationship with his mother but at a deeper level he may never have psychologically separated enough to have a sense of his own identity and so he can still be controlled by his parent. The separating is a two way process summed up in the phrase, ‘Selfhood begins in the going away while love is proved in the letting go.’
In teaching about marriage Jesus said that in order for it to work a person must leave his or her father and mother. He wasn’t just talking about physically leaving and moving to a new place. It was a much greater leaving that he meant. So many marriages get into difficulty not simply because of in-law interference but because of one or other party allowing it to happen in the first place. When a couple set up home together an entire new authority structure is called for where both are answerable to each other and neither to each others parents. If parents are allowed too much say in the couples life then in-laws can so easily become outlaws. Such inteference is always resented by one while the other, whose parents are calling the shots, will vehemently deny that there is any trace of control coming from his side. In effect, he has never left his family and while he thought he was looking for a wife, in reality what he needed was a foster mother.
A few years ago while giving a seminar up near Belfast I overheard a rather colourful lady give a brief description of her life to a group of people gathered at table. It went like this and unfortunately I can’t replicate the Belfast acent. “‘I was booted into the shoe factory at sixteen. There I met my husband. We got married when I was ninteen and went on to have seven children. I ended up with eight and I’m still married to one of them. At sixty-seven he still called me Mam, he’s useless at looking after himself, thinks I should be there at his every beck and call, and after all these years my apple tarts are not a patch what his mother used to make. I still ask him that if he was that fond of home why did he eaver bother leaving in the first place. People sometimes ask me are we happily married and I usually reply, ‘Well, depends how you look at it, He’s happy and I’m married.’”
Why do parents so often find it difficult to give their children freedom? For one thing they may want to hold onto their role of being parent long after it is appropriate to do so. When a mother, for instance, continues to do for her child what he or she is big and ugly enough to do him/herself, she is still unconsciously clinging to her mother role as part of her identity. By not teaching her children how to be independent they will find it difficult to separate and so her role as mammy remains secure and with every problem and crisis they come running to her.
True love always gives freedom and independence, It doesn’t need to control anyone else and neither does it allow anyone else to have control ether. We all need our freedom in order to grow to marurity.
Mon June 29th – The Suitable Soil
It is a myth to think that we can lead a spiritual life alone. The life of the Spirit is like a seed that needs fertile soil to grow, and this involves both an inner disposition and a supportive milieu. The latter is becoming increasingly difficult to find as the tide of secularism continues to claim ground. To set our heart on the Kingdom when all our associates have their hearts set on everything but the Kingdom is a superhuman task. To be serious about living a spiritual life is also to be responsible for the milieu where it can grow and mature. We may have more options than we claim for ourselves. We can choose friends, books, churches that are alive, podcasts, art, music, places to visit and like-minded people to be with that, taken together, offer a milieu that allows the mustard seed that God has sown in us to grow into a strong tree. Whatever it takes is worth it and really is a soul investment in eternity.