Jim Cogley Reflections: Tues 1 July – Mon 7 July 2025
Please note: The usual First Wednesday Healing Mass has been changed to the second Wednesday this month at the usual time of 3pm.
Tues 1st July – Divine Potential
From tiny acorns, mighty oaks do grow
A tiny acorn is a bundle of potential. It has the capacity to become not just a mighty oak tree but a forest of oak trees. Each of us comes into the world as a tiny bundle of divine potential, born with the capacity to become and achieve infinitely more than anyone could ask or dream or imagine. We are born with the stamp of greatness on our souls and for some reason, instead of this being developed, this can get more and more eroded as we journey through life. In the words of TS Eliot, we can end up ‘putting on a face to meet the faces that we meet, measuring up our lives in coffee spoons, wondering do we dare to eat a peach and shall we wear white trousers as we walk along the beach?’ Our world of potential wonder can become pathetically small and ego-centric to the extent that ‘it’s not our smallness that we begin to fear but our greatness.’ (Marianne Williamson) She also says that, ‘our smallness does not serve the world’.
Wed 2nd July – The Mansion of Childhood
One way of understanding ourselves is to think of having been born into, or even as, a mansion with many, many rooms. It’s vast, it’s spacious and it’s wonderful and from every room the light of the Sun beams through. Very early in life we learn to close down several of those rooms. For a room marked ‘Tears,’ we may have been scolded for crying and so we closed that door with a sign that now read ‘Fears’. With the room marked ‘Anger’ we may have been told, ‘to control our temper’ and so we closed the door and put a ’D’ in front so that the sign now reads ‘Danger’. If our enthusiasm or making noise incurred disapproval, we may have substituted the word ‘Quiet’. Our room marked ‘Adventure’ may have changed to ‘Caution’ because our adventurous spirit may have been curbed by an anxious parent. Similarly, our room marked ‘Childhood’ may have a ‘No Entry’ sign because there was so much abuse and trauma back there. With each door being closed the light diminished.
Thurs 3rd July – Limiting Factors
Today we continue to look at some of the limiting factors in childhood that keep us from living a full life. Many live small lives of ‘quiet desperation’ because so much of their true identity has been closed down. Having been compared to another sibling or classmate we now have a room once marked as ‘Unique’ is now labelled as ‘Inferior’. We may not have received encouragement for a particular interest, sport or hobby, and so that room became marked as ‘Disinterest’. Negative remarks about our physical appearance could have a room now labelled ‘Not up to standard’. As we get older more and more rooms change label and our education system, that in the past has promoted one particular way of learning, can leave the room once marked as ‘Intelligent’ now bearing the label of ‘Not so bright’
Fri 4th July – Displacement from Self
All the rooms we have mentioned represent our amazing potential. However, with one after another being closed down and relabelled, we not only lose sight of our potential, but we also become removed from our true selves. It’s so easy to become displaced from ourselves and so find we are vulnerable to addiction. This may not be to alcohol or drugs, but even to having to win or be successful. At 13, Peter was a wizard at playing soccer. Unfortunately, he had a very poor coach who measured his worth as a person in terms of whether his team won or lost. His temper was vented at whoever was closest when the team made any mistakes and often Peter got the full force of his anger. What became ingrained in Peter was that failure was never an option and success was to be achieved at all costs. Not only was he traumatized but from there on his identity became displaced and became identified with success.
Sat 5th July – Relationship Addiction
The term relationship addiction is relatively new but what it stands for is as old as humanity. To feel like a half-person, wanting to meet another half-person in order to feel whole is an impossibility. The most that can be achieved is co-dependency where two people live their lives through each other and enjoy the illusion of completion. The reality of the relationship only becomes clear when one party withdraws or is no longer there for whatever reason. In this kind of relationship there is an unhealthy enmeshment akin to two birds who are tied together, they have four wings but are unable to fly. Many will find that while they are unable to be together, they also can’t cope with being apart. Such a ’close’ relationship often masquerades insecurity, possessiveness, control, manipulation and jealousy. Like any addiction while co-dependency is in play all psychological maturity is at a standstill.
Sun 6th July – Balance Sheet of Life
One of our sacristans gave me a sheet during the week that carried so much wisdom that I felt everyone should have a chance to read it. It was called Ihe Balance Sheet of Life. I would like to use some of it today and perhaps expand just a little with a few comments. It looks at different aspects of life and presents them in the form of a question and then gives the answer. The first being our most destructive habit and it answers Worry. The Bible says do not worry because it can’t add a single year to your life. That is so true, but it can seriously shorten our lives. While it doesn’t rob tomorrow of its trouble it does rob today of its strength. Worry comes from fear, it causes us to live in the future and is based on lack of trust.
Our greatest joy it says is giving. It certainly doesn’t lie in hoarding or keeping. There is a real sense that we can only keep that which we have given away. It’s as if what we give we send on in advance and one day that will be our great discovery.
Our greatest loss we may think of as a loved one, but perhaps a deeper loss is the one mentioned on the sheet – loss of self-respect. If we lose that our foundation is gone and so we lack respect for everyone else.
Our most satisfying work it says, lies in helping others. Finding ways to be of service is a sure way of finding satisfaction. Volunteers are always happier and receive far more than they give.
The ugliest personality trait is selfishness. When we get wrapped up in ourselves and our little family circle we make a very small parcel. This is where the world revolves around us and everything is evaluated in terms of how is something going to affect me?
The greatest shot in the arm it says is encouragement. Not many can give encouragement. Yet it is the greatest act of faith we can have in another. We all have shaky self-esteem and when someone pours in encouragement they see something in us that we can’t see ourselves and in so doing help us to become our better selves.
The greatest problem to overcome is fear. Many are afraid to look beneath the surface of their lives out of fear for what might be found there. So, we skim the surface and lack depth. We become so superficial that life gets measured out in coffee spoons. If we were to play with the letters FEAR it could stand for either Face Everything and Recover, or Feck Everybody and Run. Every day we have a choice to either live a life of fear and retreat into our comfort zone or to expand our lives by exercising faith and courage.
The most effective sleeping pill is presented as peace of mind. Here I’m not sure if I fully agree because the mind is always restless, at least mine rarely stops. So, the last place we find peace is in our minds. So, I like the Buddhist teaching to allow our minds to come home to our hearts and in our hearts, we can then find peace.
The most crippling failure disease is excuses. We always find excuses for inaction even when there is no reason. Excuses are only for non-achievers, and we really need to get tough on ourselves if we are inclined to make excuses where there are no genuine reasons.
The most dangerous and divisive act the sheet says is gossip. A gossip is someone with an acute sense of rumour, characterized by ‘did ye hear….’ Usually, he or she has only heard one side of a story even though there’s two others, yours, mine and the truth, and then gives it legs. They hear what they want to hear from whom they want to hear it and disregard the rest. As a traveller said one time, ‘if you bought a pound of rashers in Ross by the time you got to Wexford you would have a pig’. This prejudiced version of the situation can spread like wildfire and cause untold division in a family or a community. When those prone to gossip without thinking pass to the other side they must get a crude awakening to see all the destruction and suffering they have caused in life by being so irresponsible and having such a loose tongue.
Such are about half the items mentioned on the Balance Sheet of Life. I won’t overload with anymore. Perhaps another time I will explore the remainder but even with what’s mentioned there’s more than enough to think about
Mon 7th July – Displaced Energies
To our rational minds the concept of being affected by someone else’s energy and even carrying it to our own detriment is difficult to understand. Living with a partner who is not into emotions or who refuses to do feelings leaves a person at serious risk of being the one who carries those feelings. Just as children pick up on and express the unacknowledged emotions of their parents, so partners often carry the denied emotions of their spouses. This is often experienced as constant tiredness or feeling drained of energy after being in someone’s presence. There may be no rows or disagreements so on an external level everything appears to be fine. Yet there can be a subtle and gradual erosion of self-esteem, an unexplained heaviness and a feeling of being burdened. This can prove serious enough to be fatal as the body rebels against what is happening even though the person involved completely lacks awareness.