Jim Cogley – Reflections Tues 19 Nov – Mon 25 Nov 2024
Each week I ask that you would not just send them on to others who may be receptive but also to pray that they will reach the right people at the right time. So many long for a way to share the word of life and this is a ministry that we can all share in and by doing our bit we can make a big difference.
Tue 19th Nov 24 – Transference
In presenting seminars for over thirty years the most common theme that arises is getting the past out of the present. This involves inviting people to become more aware of how their past is influencing their present and shaping their future. It is also about creating a deeper awareness of how present relationships are the stage upon which older dramas, both personal and ancestral, are being re-enacted but in an unconscious manner. So often our current relationships are being undermined by a past that is always present but which we may only be vaguely aware of. While we want to get on with our lives and put the past behind us it stubbornly remains very present, but usually partially disguised. What we tend to do is to cast new people in the roles of key people such as parents, siblings, teachers or significant others with whom there is still unfinished business. This common phenomenon we call ‘transference’.
Wed 20th Nov – Mistaken Identity
The word transference comes fromtwo Latin words: trans which means across and ferre which means to carry. Literally the word means to carry over the past into the present. So, we unconsciously place a parent’s face or that of some significant other onto someone else. In doing so we are recreating our childhood drama that was unfinished in an unconscious attempt to give it closure. Transference is where an old scenario is perpetuated in the present in an attempt to resurrect the past. It’s also significant that the same Latin word is the root of both transference and translation. In transference we are continually translating the story lines of our past unto present scenarios. This means that our current relationships can be charged with griefs or expectations, resentments and disappointments, thereby making them very challenging. The person we think we are having the problem with may be a photo-fit for someone earlier, but it is still a case of mistaken identity.
Thurs 21st Nov – Projection
While studying psychology many years ago now there were three related terms that I found difficult to distinguish. These were projection, displacement and transference. In the words of Carl Jung, ‘Projection makes the world a replica of my own unknown face.’ This is where others act as mirrors and I see and judge in them what I am blind to in myself. To judge someone to be controlling is to be unaware as to how controlling I am myself. An example from my own life was how I had a strong dislike for anyone who was mean. At first this was confusing because meanness is something I have never been accused of. One day having been very generous with someone in need I later found myself hesitating as to whether I should buy a tool for my workshop that was costing a fraction of what I had just given away. Suddenly, awareness dawned that my meanness was not to be found with others but in relation to myself. Projection mistakes an internal experience for an external one. The more I project my internal reality onto others the more I spend every day alone!
Fri 22nd Nov – Displacement
Displacement is where I displace the feelings that I have or have had for one person onto another. The most common form of displacement is anger displacement. I have a row with the boss at work and when I come home I take it out on the partner, the children or the dog if he gets in my way! Very often there is a considerable time lapse before displacement happens. As a child I may have had a huge amount of anger towards a parent for his or her behaviour. Back there it would have been impossible to fully express how I felt out of a fear of rejection. To be rejected by a parent is tantamount to annihilation, so I learned to be passive and keep my mouth shut. It was also the era where ‘children were to be seen but not heard’. Later in adult life I can be passive aggressive and might be shocked at the words that come out of my mouth and the shocking effect they have on the person who is my significant other. I am now hurting most the person I am closest to. The bottom line is that with displacement I am spending my time with the wrong person.
Sat 23rd Nov – Distorted Images
What happens in transference is that without our knowing we are glimpsing important figures from our past in our partners, friends, associates and even strangers. It was our significant others that made such an impression on us when we were young that it was like a template that we apply to others through life. What we transfer are feelings, needs, expectations, biases, fantasies, beliefs and attitudes. Transference then causes the core theme of our life to be replayed but in so doing it makes it very difficult to see others in their true otherness. Instead, we tend to see them not as they are but more as we are. It’s like we are looking at them through the lens of our own history. Transference works as a crude way of enabling us to see what is invisible, the untold drama that is inside us. It gives such power to the past that it can make every day a family reunion and in a manner that is a miscarriage of clumsy lies about reality.
Sun 24th Nov – Christ the King
A man took up a new job as a security officer. A few weeks into the job he returned home looking very despondent. Seeing how dejected he was his wife asked him very gently what was wrong. He told her he had been fired for falling asleep on the job, that while at the desk he had dozed off and thieves had broken in and stolen a lot of valuable equipment. She was surprised and said ‘that sounds strange because you are always such a light sleeper. How come you didn’t wake up? The thieves must have made some noise when they broke in’. ‘I was not fired for falling asleep,’ he confessed, ‘I was fired for wearing earplugs’!
When it comes to thinking about the deeper matters of life, like the fact that we are here for such a short time, a lot of us tend to wear earplugs, we just don’t want to face the reality of our mortality. Some are so deeply entrenched in denial that they choose never to give it any thought and may even refuse to make a will as if that were going to speed up the process. Yet all the great world religions are in agreement that the acceptance of death is what gives life its true meaning. In other words, if we view our life against the backdrop of eternity it will serve to inform how we should be living and give our lives a real sense of purpose.
Reflecting on this feast of Christ the King, which only began around 100 years ago, what most of us think of is not just the last judgement but more our own final judgement. It’s something that we can so easily close our ears to, the fact that one day each of us will stand before the judgement seat of our God with Christ on the throne and on that day, we will have to give an account of our stewardship. Being realistic before the next year is out that will be the lot of some of us here and we all hope that it will be someone else.
What do you think our judgement is going to be like? Will it be Christ acting as the final arbitrator or will it be we who will judge ourselves? All the indicators, both from the mystics and those who have had near death experiences, is that it is we who will be judging ourselves and in the light of two big questions. The first will be how have we loved? In other words, how have we developed our capacity for love in the way we have lived out our life? If we came from love then to develop our potential for love was why we came, so what have we to show for that potential? Just like an acorn can only be judged by its growth into becoming an oak tree so St John of the Cross says that in the end of the day we will be judged on Love. I really think that when eternity dawns it must come as a devastating realisation for many that lots of precious years have been wasted in bitterness, resentment and negativity, when all the time it was our God-given capacity for love we should have been working on.
The second question that seems to form part of judgement is ‘what we have done with our lives’, in other words what have we to show for them? One man who suffered a near death experience discovered to his dismay that his entire life had been a monument to his own ego. He had lived purely for himself, without any real thought for others or consideration for those less fortunate. All his life was about him, his success and his popularity, and how much he owned. Needless to say, when he did get the chance to come back, he was much relieved, and his new life became very different from his old.
In every human heart there is a throne that is always occupied as we journey through life. We begin that journey with our ego firmly in place on the throne and so life is all about us. We are conditioned to be ego-centric where our basic prayer is simply ‘my will be done’. For us, our Christian calling is to allow that ego to be dethroned and invite Christ to the centre, and to be the one occupying that sacred place. That does not happen because we happen to be baptised or confirmed, but it does happen when we decide to make it happen. It is our decision to invite Christ into our hearts and accepting him as Lord and Saviour that is ultimately going to make all the difference. Personally, I would not like to come before my God professing to be a Christian and yet never having made that fundamental decision. If Christ is already at the centre of my life while I live, than when I die, I will have no problem approaching the throne of grace know that only mercy and love await.
Mon 25th Nov – The Positive side of Transference
When we are engaged in transference we are attracted, repelled, excited or upset by others. It feels as if our unconscious has found a photo fit for a main actor in our childhood or earlier drama. The strength of our reaction, whether attraction or avoidance, gives us a clue as to some unfinished business from our past. A vehement reaction to someone may have awakened the dormant memory of someone else by virtue of their physical appearance or personality. He or she may have released a feeling that was never expressed, an expectation that was never met, or a longing that that was still shyly in hiding. If we can carefully reflect on any of our present reactions, we inevitably notice a hook-up from our past, and as we interpret our transference in that light we can better understand our behaviour in relationships. While our transference is still unconscious it gives power to then, it is awareness that gives power to now. Awareness is the psychological equivalent of enlightenment.