Jim Cogley: Reflections Tues 26 Nov – Mon 2 Dec 2024

Once again I invite you to pray that these reflections will be borne by the winds of the Spirit to where they are most needed. From feedback received many of the younger age group are really finding them useful and passing them on to friends.

Tue Nov 26^th – Always the Victim

Whether we like to admit it or not we have all at some point been both victim and perpetrator. It is a part of our shadow side that inevitably, and usually unintentionally, we will inflict hurt and pain on others, especially those closest to us. The person who is a victim of bullying or intimidation always has weak boundaries, and this is the real problem, much greater than the fact that he or she is always being picked on. In fact, the greatest weapon in the hand of the bully is in the mind of the victim. It is this weakness that is instinctively picked up by the perpetrator and used to his/her advantage. The victim is like a field that may have a gate but very poor fences. It is inevitable that at some point this weakness is going to be exploited and will continue to happen until the boundary fences are repaired.

Wed 27^th Nov – Speaking Out

A child, or even an adult, who is a victim of bullying usually finds it very difficult to speak about what is happening and to seek help. They seem to have little or no voice to address the injustice. It’s as if their voice has been taken. This gives us an insight into the nature of all forms of intimidation and abuse. The voice is the instrument of power, so what the bully is trying to do is to disempower his victim, and in so doing to bolster his own power. This suggests that the bully is a fearful coward who is quite fearful and weak. On the outside he or she may be able to maintain a facade of appearing to be the strong one but this is a cover up for his or her underlying feelings of inferiority, vulnerability and weakness. For the unfortunate victim the first step towards healing is speaking about what has, or is happening, and in so doing to reclaim his power.

Thurs 28^th Nov – A Past Revisited

Brona was a highly qualified nurse, tall in stature and fine physique. To the uninitiated she appeared strong and assertive, yet she was out of work because of bullying. Her Achilles heel had been exposed and a much younger, smaller and more vocal lady had taken full advantage. When Brona was asked when she had felt like this before he replied ‘fourteen’. She went on to say that at that age she suffered from a skin complaint that left her feeling like a leper. Other girls gave her a hard time and particularly one young lady who never let up on her taunts. This was a difficult period of life she thought she had put behind her until another young lady appeared on the scene who was like a grown-up version of her earlier tormentor. This was when she lost the grip on her adult self and regressed to feeling like a teenager again. Our past will continue to re-present itself until it is faced and integrated.

Fri 29^th Nov – The Deeper Question

Many people who have been victims of sexual abuse have spent years in counselling. Some would claim to have integrated the memories but still find themselves slipping back into victim mode. A deeper questioning of the nature of their inner work so often reveals a serious lacuna; the question was never addressed as to why the person was so vulnerable in the first place? There is a certain truth in saying that every child is vulnerable, but there are degrees of sensitivity that leave one more susceptible to becoming a victim than the other. Sometimes the reason for this vulnerability is very apparent, like the death of a parent, or sibling, being a replacement child for one that was lost earlier, or being named after, or being identified with a troubled ancestor. So many of these important issues are completely overlooked in counselling and leave the person still stranded in victim mode.

Sat 30^th Nov – Conversation Echoes

During primary school years there was a boy in the class ahead who was bigger and stronger than the rest of us. He had a reputation for bullying and being jealous of a friendship I had, he gave me a particularly hard time. His behaviour had also earned him a not so nice nickname. Time moved on and we went to different schools, but many years later ended up teaching in the same college. This time we were nice to each other and neither brought up the past, and while his nickname had stuck, I choose to be respectful and never to use it. Some years into retirement he passed away before his 70^th birthday. In the general conversations surrounding his passing I was shocked to hear myself using that derogatory name from his past, and realized that the child in me had not yet forgiven him, and still needed to get even.

Sun 1^st Dec – Advent 1^st Week ’24 – The Reset Button

The first Sunday of Advent marks the beginning of the Church Year and so it is seen as a time of new beginnings. We tend to associate it as a period of waiting in joyful hope for the coming of Christ the Saviour. For some reason it’s not the word ‘waiting’ that comes to mind this year but ‘re-setting’. On all our present gismos, computers, iPhones and iPads thereis always a reset button thatbrings the device back to factorysettings. It’s a button that is not used very often during the life of the device, but it is important when things go badly wrong, when you have lost your way, and nothing seems to be working right. It’s really a way of wiping the slate clean and starting from scratch almost as if you know nothing. The reset button offers an opportunity for new beginnings. Here I’m not thinking about computers or iPhones, but more in terms of our faith and the widespread confusion that is a real problem for so many in relation to knowing what to believe and even being very clear as to what Christianity is all about.

Suppose we were to press that reset button and return to absolute basics. Where would we begin? Forget that we were ever baptised, even had been confirmed or been to communion. What would appear on the screen that represents our life? I suspect that it would be a big ‘I’ at the centre with explicit instruction that for the system to operate properly that the ‘I’ needs to become part of a bigger picture that forms a cross. In other words, the I needs to be dethroned and Christ needs to be given central place in our lives. This would be the supremely challenging bit and rather than rise to the challenge many would walk away. Some of Christ’s early followers did just that prompting Christ to say to his closest disciples, ‘Will you also walk away?’, to which Peter responds, ‘Lord to whom shall we go? You alone have the message of eternal life.’ This challenge lies at the core of Christianity and is something we cannot take seriously enough. Many will opt just to be a practicing Catholic while never making a decision to invite Christ into their lives. Others will just choose to live a good moral life and take their chances. However, it’s much less challenging to practice one’s religion than to surrender one’s life and invite Christ to be Lord.

In the Book of Revelation, we find this invitation expressed very clearly where Christ says, ‘Behold I stand at the door of your heart and knock and if you invite me in, we will enjoy friendship and fellowship together’. In the world of Art there is a famous painting depicting that verse showing Christ standing at a wooden door. It’s by the artist Holman Hunt that you may be familiar with. It was painted around 1830 and is still to be seen in Oxford. In the painting the background is of a new dawn breaking,and Christ the Light of the World is seen with a lighted lantern knocking on a door that has no handle on the outside. It was painted that way to express the truth that Christ gently invites us to welcome him into our hearts but will never force himself, he will always wait for us to make that decision, to take the handle and open the door from the inside. For that reason, it’s regarded as the greatest evangelical picture ever painted and has inspired countless thousands to give open the door of their hearts and invite him to take central place in their lives.

In every human heart there is a central place like a throne that is always occupied as we journey through life. We begin that journey with our ego or ‘I’ firmly in place at the centre and so life is all about us. We are conditioned to be ego-centric where our basic prayer is simply ‘my will be done’. For us our Christian calling begins when we allow that ego to be dethroned and invite Christ to the centre and to be the one occupying that sacred place. As said last week, that does not happen because we have been baptised or confirmed, or come to receive Holy Communion, but it does happen when we decide to make it happen. It is our decision to invite Christ into our hearts and accepting him as Lord and Saviour that is ultimately going to make all the difference.

In computer terms it is only when the ‘I’ that we mentioned earlier has taken on the shape of the cross that a new button lights up that says ‘continue’. And so, the great adventure of being a follower of Christ is now ready to unfold and everything we have learned before we can now look at in a completely new light.

Mon 2nd Dec – The Call for Integration

Our past has an amazing capacity not so much to come back to haunt us but to actively seek integration. A colleague got badly bullied in school and did his best to put it behind him. He joined a seminary and got ordained. Years later, he decided to leave; he got married and went on to raise a fine family. Next door a business opened, and all was well until the proprietor got married, to none but the individual who had made his life miserable so many years earlier. His past was no longer where he thought he had left it; it was now right where he was and living next door. Such is the power of our past to recreate itself in the present. If we don’t meet it in the person who had caused us grief it will find a close replica and leave us without an escape route. The face may have changed but the feelings will be the very same, and the sense will be of déjà vu.