Jim Cogley: Reflections Tues 2 Jan – Mon 8 Jan

Belated New Year Greetings to you all and best wishes. Just a few ‘serious’ questions to begin 2024 and thank you for your kindness in passing them on. I get so many reports from people I don’t know and have never met, of the right word being delivered at just the right time. This Wednesday in Our Lady’s Island  we will have a healing Mass at 3pm followed by a short seminar in the Community Centre. This is free. Regards Jim C

Tuesday 2^nd Jan – Serious Questions

Why do the ‘good’ often suffer the most?

This is an interesting question that doesn’t deserve a simplistic answer. Could there be some less than obvious reasons? The ones we consider good are often the nice people who conform to others’ expectations and never want to cause upset to anyone, but at what cost to themselves? They are usually the super responsible ones who become laden with responsibilities and are unable to say ‘no’. People who express their anger are known to live longer, whereas most ‘good’ people are too ‘nice’ to express strong emotions and so can be prone to depression and sickness. The good people can never do enough for others but because of it are prone to burnout. They try to love everybody but forget to love themselves, and this leaves them needy and feeling taken for granted. The ‘good’ are often the passive ones who never retaliate or stand up for themselves. Some even see their passivity as a virtue, when in fact it betrays a lack of respect towards themselves. Could it be that the ‘good’ are responsible for much of their own suffering?

Wed 3^rd Jan – Why do women often marry their fathers?

A young woman told her father about her new boyfriend, that he was kind, witty and polite and that he would really like him. ‘You can’t live on kindness or politeness’, he replied, ‘I need to ask, does he have money?‘ ‘You men are all the same’, she said, ‘he asked that very same question about you!’ What is it that can blind a woman to what may seem so obvious to others? Is it a need to have a second chance to resolve any unresolved issues? Or similarly, is it that we are always drawn back to our original wounds to find healing. So often the unmet needs of the father relationship become the unmet needs with the husband. The absent father becomes the absent husband, the unemotional spouse mirrors the father who was unable to show affection or even worse the abusive alcoholic father becomes the abusive alcoholic husband. Our unresolved past can make our todays like replicas of yesterday until we find a way of dealing with it.

Thurs 4^th Jan – Why do we become like our parents?

This is a challenging question that is well worth reflecting on. When we think of our parents hopefully there were or are many traits in their personalities and behaviours that we deeply admired and would want to emulate in our lives. Unfortunately, there are many who would find it difficult to find anything positive to say about either or both parents. That may have been distant, abusive, addictive needy or even cruel. All such traits we would want to distant ourselves from in no uncertain terms. This seems simple in theory, but not in practice. In fact, those very traits that we so disliked in either parent, we may be shocked to find in ourselves. This is because what we hated, perhaps in our father we internalized and began unconsciously hating in ourselves. I may have hated his violence and years later in the heat of a row discover to my horror that I could kill. It is not until I can embrace that shadow part in myself first, that I won’t repeat it and it is in that acceptance that my relationship with that particular parent, who may be alive or dead can be healed.

Fri 5^th Jan – Why are some lives blighted by bad luck?

We say glibly that ‘God makes the shoulder to carry the burden’ or ‘He won’t give us more that we can cope with’. This is a form of religious balderdash because the reality is that so many go through a lifetime of unimaginable suffering. We have a perception that ‘Original Sin’ is the same for all, however, while it afflicts all, it is to very different degrees. The home circumstances into which a child is born can be vastly different. The womb experience can have a profound effect on later life. Some are born with ancestral burdens that plague them through life and may even be the root cause of mental illness. The term ‘bad luck’ is unfortunate because it leaves us helpless victims of unseen forces. It is more helpful to think of bad luck as ‘Fate’ where issues of the past that have never been properly dealt with, will keep on recurring and causing suffering until they are. Fate invites us to investigate the root causes of our misfortunes and suffering, and in so doing to prevent them from recurring.

Sat 6^th Jan – Why are some so unreasonable and illogical in religious matters?

We have probably all met them. They love to project their strongly held views onto us but are utterly intolerant towards ours. Often, they are classed as ‘shocking holy’ and want to sound different, act different and be noticed as being different. An example might be refusing to attend a child’s wedding because it’s not being held in a church. They are unyielding, dogmatic and devoid of common sense when it comes to matters of religion. There is no point in having an argument and being reasonable because their religious position has not been reached by reason in the first place. Could such ultra-conservatism and traditionalism be a cover up for deep insecurity? Such right-wing positions don’t attract followers except a few more of the like-minded. It doesn’t endear them to anyone and it alienates them both in family and from society where often they are regarded as ‘religious nuts’. Is this position not a form of emotional self-sabotage that masquerades as ultra conservative religious beliefs? Our emotional woundedness manifests under so many guises and religious fundamentalism is just one of them.

Sun 7^th Jan – Baptism of Christ

One of the really lovely films shown on Christmas Day was the newer and animated version of The Lion King. At the beginning the young lion is given just a hint of his destiny and his greatness. His father takes him to a high mountain and tells him that one day it will be his to rule. He points him in the direction of his future. Needless to say, he has a lot of lessons to learn before he is ready to take up his crown. If you haven’t seen that new version, I would highly recommend it.

The Baptism of Jesus clearly marked a turning point in his life. It was there that he discovered the direction his life needed to take. Prior to this he had lived a comparatively quiet and secure life as a village carpenter in Nazareth. All the while he had been hearing the nudge of destiny, that he was being called to something more.

Then his cousin John began his work of preaching and teaching. Suddenly Jesus saw mirrored in him what he was being called to do. He left his old life and opted for a new one that of being a spiritual teacher and healer for his people.

From that moment his life would never be the same. He had found his true identity as the son in whom the father was well pleased. He now knew what his life was about. All the hidden qualities of love and care and compassion that had been quietly growing for thirty years now began to be manifest. His true potential was being realized.

And, it’s the same for all of us. There is so much more to us than meets the eye, either our own eye or that of others. We are a bundle of divine potentialities. We are capable of so much more than we could ever dream or imagine and there are gifts and God-given talents within us that are only waiting to be discovered.

Like Jesus, for all this to happen, it’s all-important that we align ourselves with the divine purpose for our lives. In other words that we say ‘yes’ to God and surrender our lives to Him. Only then can he do in us and through us what is utterly amazing. As the scripture says, ‘His power at work in us can do infinitely more than we could ever ask or dream or imagine.’

A colleague of mine was travelling in the West of Ireland down some narrow roads where whatever signposts had been taken down during the war just in case the Germans ever invaded had never been replaced. Unsure of where he was, he decided to ask the next person he would meet. An old farmer was bringing his cows home for milking so he stopped and asked him if he was on the road to such and such a place. ‘You certainly are’ the man replied, and as my friend thanked him and was rolling up the window the old man said, ‘You’re on the right road ok but you’re going in the wrong direction.’ To be on the right road and to check our direction is all-important.

Many of us have known moments that have proved turning points in our lives. We may have come to a crossroads where we had to either choose to live or to die. We may have been confronted with radically different choices. Out of this has come a fundamental decision after which life was never the same. Such times are moments of grace. If that grace is responded to a person is lifted out of themselves and starts out on a new path. If it is not responded to the opportunity may be gone forever. Shakespeare put it like this:

There is a tide in the affairs of men

Which taken at its flood leads on to fortune;

Omitted, all the voyage of their life

Is bound in shallows and miseries.

From time to time and particularly at New Year it’s no harm to look at the direction our lives have taken. If we are not happy with the way things are going then we can change them. Perhaps we are stuck in a rut. There’s not much difference between a rut and a grave. We need to start digging ourselves out.

At baptism even though we didn’t know it at the time we were pointed in a very specific direction towards God and the fullness of life He wants for us. The ultimate question for any Christian therefore is: Am I being true to the direction in which I was pointed at my baptism?

Mon 8^th Jan – Why is it that what we try to evade we can never avoid?

Many of us will have had the experience of falling out with someone and for a time doing our best not to cross paths with them. Then for some mysterious reason that one person we seem to encounter on every turn. A psychological truth is that whatever (or whoever) it is we consciously want to avoid we unconsciously move towards. Our inner reality is always creating our outer reality, and so where we have inner conflict, we will inevitably meet it at the outer level. Every day and each encounter acts as a mirror to what is going on inside us. This is why so much of ancient philosophy is summarized in just two words ‘Know thyself’. This inner knowledge comes at a cost of awareness of how all our relationships serve to mirror our inner reality. How I see others is really how I see myself, and how I relate to others reflects how I relate to myself. There are some with whom it would be impossible to fall out with because they are not inwardly divided and similarly there are others who are fragile and with whom it always feels like always walking on ice and one has to be careful not to say the wrong thing.