Jim Cogley’s Reflections: Tues 23rd Sept – Mon 29th Sept 2025
Tues 23rd Sept – Befriending Anger
Just a month ago the above little book was launched during our annual pilgrimage along with volume 13 called, A World of Symbols. This one I will be particularly interested in receiving your feedback and comments in relation to. It has a title that is meant to be engaging, and many will recoil from it saying, ‘Anger, that horrible thing, how could anyone even suggest that it should be befriended, is that not a step too far?’ Whatever about the title or the content, the layout and design of this volume I consider to be just superb, and Michelle Courtney from Courtney Design and Print in Enniscorthy deserves great credit because it is outstandingly attractive. As the author I may be biased but I think that this is my most beautiful book to date and the one that has huge potential to transform the lives of those who put its message into practice.
Wed 24th Sept – Am I comfortable with my Anger?
When I Befriended my Anger is now availableon the website jimcogley.com. The price is €15 (incl of P&P). For those interested in receiving a copy I will give a flavour of what to expect with some lines taken from the Preface: During the course of over forty-five years of counselling I have rarely met anyone who doesn’t have a problem with anger. Very few feel comfortable with the emotion and most feel at a loss to know how to deal with it properly. Many years ago, while based in Kilmore Quay, I hosted regular weekend gatherings for people, many of whom had spent time in religious life. One weekend the topic of anger came up for discussion and each one admitted to having a problem knowing how to handle it. Most of us had to admit that the pattern we had seen practiced in our home of origin was still what we were unconsciously perpetuating, and it simply was not working.
Thurs 25th September – Preface – cont.
It was decided to invite a psychologist who had just completed his doctorate in Emotional Literacy in the US to speak to us at the next gathering. His name may still be familiar to some even though he is no longer with us – Jimmy Mc Carthy from Cork. As Providence would have it, a knock came to the door just hours later and standing there was Jimmy. He was immediately invited to join the gathering and share some of his insights, particularly on anger. What he said was utterly transformative and many in the group remember it to this day as a sharing that changed their lives. His teaching was simple but profound. He said that for generations people have placed a ‘D’ In front of anger so that it spells ‘Danger’. So, we have only known the destructive and negative side of that emotion, and consequently, want to be rid of it. However, he said, what if we were to consider anger in a completely different light? Suppose we were to think of it as a sacred part of ourselves that, through hurt, has been split off and is seeking to come home. Then our approach would be one of integration rather than elimination. If something is essentially part of ourselves then all our best efforts to be rid of it can never succeed.
Fri 26th Sept – Preface – cont.
He went on to say that when we find that our creativity is blocked it usually indicates that we have a problem with anger since both are as two sides of the one coin. The extent of our anger was also an indication of our creative potential. For most of us that was nothing short of an explosive insight since we had never considered any connection between anger and creativity. Of itself, he said, anger is just an emotion that is neither good nor bad, but it is energy that can be directed either way. The same energy that in war is used for destruction could equally be used for peace and construction. So, he used the analogy of the petrol tank in a car that, if disconnected and a lighted match dropped in, would explode. However, if connected properly to where it belongs, it becomes the fuel that brings us where we want to go. In this way, anger is our fuel for living and in order to live full and creative lives, instead of treating anger as an enemy to be eliminated, we should learn how to befriend it.
Sat 27th September – Awakened Creativity
My journey since that day has been one of making friends with my anger and as a result coming to engage with and enjoy creativity at more levels than I could ever have imagined. Previous to that encounter I would never have considered myself to be an angry person or even to be carrying anger; it was too well concealed beneath a facade of niceness and politeness. Then I began to notice how uncomfortable I felt in situations of anger and particularly how I felt so uneasy when someone was angry with me. These reactions made me realize that the anger I feared did not belong out there but was entirely my own. I also had been painfully aware of how blocked my creativity had been for most of my life but had never related this to anger. Applying that insight about making friends with my anger rather than treating it as an enemy became one of the most transformative insights of my life. To share that core insight has been the motivation for writing the book.
Sun 28th September – Dives and Lazarus
The parable of Dives and Lazarus is one that should make us feel uncomfortable. It’s the age-old story of the haves and the have not’s where the ones who have are not even aware of those who have so little. Dives is the man with so much. He dresses magnificently, he feasts sumptuously, yet he is oblivious to the hungry beggar at his gate who sees the food being delivered and would happily settle for the scraps of bread that would normally be thrown to the dogs. At the time knives and forks were unknown and food was eaten by hand. In rich households people cleaned their hands with bread and then threw it to the housedogs. It was these scraps of dogfood that Lazarus would gladly have settled for but didn’t get any.
Even if we are good sleepers that parable should cause us to keep awake. How much do you give in the face of human need, how much can you give? How do you decide who is genuine from who is not? These are questions I find that I have to live with on a regular basis because there will always be situations where people fall beneath the cracks and are genuinely in need. Over the years anything I give would always be from my own resources. Perhaps the day will come when our finances will be in such a healthy state that the Finance Committee may consider allocating some funds for charitable purposes. To those who might have difficulty with that I would have to point out that part of our fundamental mission and divine mandate as church is to care for the poor and the needy.
A situation that arose some time ago and one that I have met several times was a lovely girl with two young kids who was pregnant as a result of being raped. She was living in a women’s refuge and her social worker asked me to see her as she was considering having an abortion. This was a girl who had absolutely no family with her mum having died when she was three and her father an alcoholic with whom she had no contact. Understandably, it was her economic circumstances and lack of hope at not being able to provide a home for her kids that was making her see abortion or suicide as her only options. In the end of the day two thousand euros would get that girl sorted with a house. I know that many who have a generous heart would like to help people like that who are in need if they knew of genuine cases. I would really like to have a list of such generous souls when such circumstances arise. To be anti-abortion is one thing but to be truly pro-life can be a lot more challenging.
Writing nearly three thousand years ago the Prophet Amos paints a rather repulsive picture of life then that could just as easily be for the present day. ‘Lying on their ivory beds, sprawling on their divans, stuffing themselves with fancy foods and getting snuzzled on wine. So full of self-satisfaction that they have no room for concern for the needy.’
What is the opposite of love? You might be inclined to think hate, but if you hate someone at least you acknowledge their existence. Indifference is far worse because then you treat the other as if he or she doesn’t exist. The purple clad rich man in the gospel feasting magnificently had no conscience whatsoever about the starvation on the streets. The Gospel is the story of two worlds light years apart. One is full of his own importance, totally blind to the suffering so close to hand while the dogs in the street show him up. It is they who recognize the suffering of the poor man and lick his sores. The Gospel is really about the gulf, symbolized by the gate, between the uncaring rich and the uncared for poor.
No matter what financial pressures we have or whatever hole we find ourselves in at present, if we have a roof over our heads, food to eat and money in our pockets we are still among the 8% of the world’s richest people living in the fourth richest country in the world.
The challenge for wealthier nations to help developing nations is enormous. There’s always enough resources in the world for mans’ need but never enough for mans’ greed. Here in Ireland, we are recognized at being good at giving but how much of our giving is to the point where it really hurts. Or is our giving merely token giving to meet the needs of our conscience but not the need of those who are starving?
What does the Bible say in relation to giving? It teaches very clearly that the first tenth of all our income belongs to the Lord. That’s only the minimum, our love and faith should determine the maximum. Yet it is estimated that less than one tenth of church goers actually give anything like that to God’s work either to support their local church or for charitable purposes.
When in the Gospel 5000 people were hungry the disciples went to Jesus and asked what to do to feed so many. Jesus said give them something to eat yourselves. When they gave what they could he multiplied it and everyone was satisfied. It’s the same message for us today but in a different language. If we want to create prosperity in our lives the way is to practice generosity. When the dogs in the street even know that the beggar is covered with sores, ‘don’t hide behind the gate’.
Mon 29th Sept – Anger – My Creative Potential
Looking from the vantage point of twenty-five years since first hearing the message ‘befriend your anger’ and recognizing its sacred nature I have experienced a veritable explosion of creativity in my life that before was simply not there. From making wood symbols to writing books, gardens of healing, daily reflections that reach thousands and regular seminars and retreats. All of this I attribute to a change of attitude in relation to my anger along with a level of energy that I did not expect to have in my early 70’s. At seminars I often point to three tables filled with symbols and say, that is my anger emanating from someone who never thought he had any anger. I also add that the more anger we have the greater is our potential for creativity. In ancient times in Ireland the status symbol was the size of the manure heap in your back yard. Today it is what we might be most ashamed of still represents our creative potential.